Locked in an ER Closet: My Terrifying — and Hilarious — Night at the Hospital

0:27 Yes all right, So, we had quite the eventful past, what, 48 hours? Yes, big time. So, all right. So, this is a clue. There's a clue right there. See it? And it's not a wristband for a rave party. That's your wish, right? Yeah, I wish. But I came home yesterday from the procedure I had done on my eye. Yes. And I got laced. Old people were always having procedures. Procedures were always at the hospital.

1:11 They're starting to get to know us. By name. It's scary. Very scary. It's sad. So I got home after being laced. I still had a gloopy eye. She had lasers in her eyeballs. I had lasers in my eyeballs. And I get home and I said, how are you? And you said, not great. I'm not feeling great. I said, yeah, I was feeling a pain in my abdomen by my belly button, kind of on down there. And I had never felt a pain like that before. Yeah. It was concerning, you know, we were in pain, and I was like, it'll go. I'll just drink a lot of water. I'll lay down for a while. It'll be gone tomorrow. Yeah, because that's what we usually do. Yeah, because, you know, God, I don't want to go to the doctor.

1:57 Not that we hate you, doctors. We love you, and we're very grateful. But you don't go to a doctor for a good reason, usually. I mean, unless it's just a checkup. True. But trust me, if you saw her calendar, we are at the doctors far too much in our old age. It's just, you know. So eat right and exercise. There's the bottom line. Eat lots of fiber. Vegetables. Green. Drink along to water. Oh, you know the routine. So anyways, I'm feeling this pain. And I was going to lay down and kind of ignore it. And something in my brain just kept saying, you know, that's a real unusual pain. I don't think you've ever felt that. You've never felt that before it was weird it was a weird pain and.

2:40 So I got dressed and washed up, got dressed, shaved. Yeah. Because I can't go looking ugly. You've got to smell pretty, too. Yeah, and then Maddie was like, do you want me to go with you? And I was like, no, no, no. You never want to go. And listen, since I'm 10 years old, I'm having surgery on cancer. My mom drops me off at the hospital. I had five different surgeries for cancer. Each time, my mom would drop me off at the hospital, and I would stay overnight, whatever, have the procedure done. And then I would walk home because the hospital was at the end of our neighborhood. I was used to just going through these procedures by myself. It was cancer.

3:21 So, hey, it's just the way it was. Yeah, but still. When you got a lot of kids, you're busy. You drop one off at the hospital and you say, hey, call me if you need me. So I didn't need her. Yeah, my mom would go with me every single time. No, no. For everything. Not me. Not me. So that's how I grew up. That's what I do. If I got to go in for something, I go in by myself. So Monty calls me an Uber. You want me to go? I say no. I go into the hospital. So the lady at the desk, of course, recognizes me. It's so sad. Yeah, right. In the emergency room. And she says, well, she says that...

4:03 That nice people go to the front of the line. So I was admitted immediately. And the other people in the waiting room, you can wait. You weren't nice. She'll know you. VIP at the ER. That's a lot of abbreviation. All right. So I go in there. Unfortunately, they're packed. So there are no rooms available. Tell them what you saw. Oh, God. Okay. They had, well, at first, I was sitting in there forever, and then they sent me this young lady to take blood. They're called, what are they called? The blood people. Phlebotomists. Phlebampires.

4:48 So they sent me a vampire junior to take my blood. And I guess, I mean, I guess she was new to the system. I don't know what, but, um, on her, you guys on her seventh, seventh, seventh attempt at, uh, finding a vein unsuccessfully. Seven times in with a needle. And then she would twist them around to see if it could find the vein, you know? And I was like, I'm dying. I'm like, Oh, I don't know how much more. So then she says, maybe I should, maybe I should get my supervisor. And I was like, yeah, maybe that's a good idea. So, um, so she goes and gets her supervisor and the supervisor comes in. It did take her supervisor two tries.

5:36 Cause it was, I have problematic veins. So, uh, They got it. Okay, so there was that gun. So I'm still sitting there waiting for a room after they've done all that stuff. And a bunch of paramedics are coming in with ER beds. And one of the guys was a gunshot wound. That was a different guy. I saw two gunshot wounds. One was a gunshot wound. That's insane. Yeah. And so anyway, so I'm sitting there, sitting there, sitting there because they're packed. And I told them, you guys, this is like, you guys are like busy like McDonald's at lunch. they were busy. When they finally got me a room we had to walk past a hallway full of gurneys with people on them I mean it was like, they were busy and the room they got me, God bless them because they got me a room they were treating me so VIP it was scary because these guys are in the hall waiting for any private room or any not even a private room curtain off areas uh where they line up the beds you know six in a row yeah and then you just got curtains, between each one no they found me a private closet it was it was in the closet it was a storage it was a storage room and they moved equipment out of it, and um so they put me in there and uh had to pass the equipment on the way in and stuff like that it had two double doors big heavy, heavy doors, like a vault.

7:05 And they put me in there. They didn't have any more, they didn't have any beds. So they put me in one of those well, basically, like, what's. What um you get wheeled in yeah those yeah those um the paramedics those paramedic beds that are really thin you know for us big old fat people oh you might rise but so they put me on one of those little skinny beds i mean skinny bed, and um i and so i was like nervous and i asked them to put the handrail up yeah if you roll a little to this way a little you're you're on the floor, and um then they came in right away with the ivs you know more needles needle needle by the By the time they got done poking with needles my entire visit, I had 16 new holes put in my arms.

7:50 And they ended up having to go through my knuckles to get the blood with the veins on top of the knuckles because they were the only ones visible that would not burst when the needle would go. Anyway, so in doing that, and they get the IV, and then they're doing the drip, drip, drip, and that is gone in no time. So then they do one with antibiotics and they, you know, and they take me in for a CT scan, blah, blah, blah, all sorts of stuff. And they realize that I have... Um, my appendix is in the CT scan. They see that it's swollen to the point of like, it's going to burst, which is a dangerous thing for somebody our age.

8:32 And so, yeah, so there, so that's why the antibiotics and then followed by more. But the thing is, they're in such a rush. I don't know. I don't know how this works. This is what I'm imagining. All i know is that the liquids were cold enough to make my body go into like hypothermia and i started shaking, and my teeth my whole body i'm kidding you not the entire bed was rattling it was you know that metal you could hear. And i was like oh my god what's happening to me okay yeah and so the thing is i'm looking around and because i made this basically, what looks like a storage closet there's no way to call a nurse to call an attendant call somebody there's no buttons anywhere there's nothing like that in that room just the cot i was on so i start trying to call them verbally, help me, somebody can you hear me and my whole body is tensing up tensing up because I'm freezing, and it was weird it happened like in a minute all of a sudden my body was and then it got worse and worse and I was freezing it was like hypothermia I was just like shaking uncontrollably my legs, my back, my arms everything was tensing up my head, My teeth couldn't stop shattering,

10:04 And I was screaming for them Help me! Help me! And they couldn't hear me Because those damn heavy double doors That were in front of my room Were blocking all the audio And... The room next to me had another guy who must have been there on drugs and a little bit loopy because he was yelling with me. So they thought we were having like a drug party or something. So nobody was coming for like 15 minutes. And I swear, I really started to panic because I knew, with my physical condition, if I kept shaking like that and vibrating and tensing and getting more and more and more tense to the point where my head started to hurt so bad.

10:54 I was tensing up and I couldn't move and I was having trouble even forming words. I was just... And so just something inside me said, dude, you're not going to survive this. If you don't freaking make some major noise. So I started just to scream at the top of my lungs. And finally, like a minute or two later, a nurse came running into the room and was like, what's going on? And I was like, I'm freezing. And then all of a sudden, more people just cored into the room.

11:36 And they're like Mr. Srabio please calm down take deep breaths take deep breaths please calm down here and I hear uh the doctor explaining to them that the fluids went in too quickly and uh that they brought my body temperature down rapidly, they were cold the fluids were cold and they emptied three bags into me really fast and um, So they went and they got these heating pads and they broke them up and they put them all over my body. They couldn't put them anywhere near my abdomen, though. But they put them on my legs and my chest. And I was holding on to them and I was sick. And it took me, I kid you not, it took me about 15 minutes before my body stopped shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking.

12:21 And finally, I started to relax a little. but every once in a while but it was not it was not permanent it was just every once in a while you know before it was like non-stop now it was just every once in a while just a oh my god, it makes me nervous just to watch you do that oh my god but finally finally finally finally finally, And, um, oh, and then, and then, uh, they gave me morphine and that kind of made me feel a little, a lot better. A little, a lot. Yeah. Cause it was like, we're going now. We go, we're going now.

13:06 Fly me to the moon. And then, so they tried to wheel me out of the room, but the thing was I, the double doors all the equipment my bed kept getting caught on the equipment so they couldn't get me out of the room, jam jam there wasn't enough room to wheel me out so i sat up in the bed and i was pushing equipment back, and the nurse kept saying sir please lay down and keep your arms inside you know for safety purposes and i was like okay but i would still sit up and push push push because i want to get out of here i just want to get out of this room now get out of the closet and we get out And they finally get me in the hallway. And there's so many beds on the sides of the corridors that we're bumping into them. With people. With people.

13:57 And I'm like, what is happening? COVID all over again? Look at all these people. And then one of the dudes, I hear him say that he has a bullet in his hand. And so I'm feeling really good from my drug inducement so I just sit up and tell him at least it wasn't in your chest it's easier to get out of your hand. Because you know it's my field of expertise yeah of course and he says to me yeah but the thing is it's been in my hand for a year and I'm like, And I laid back down, and all I could do was go, whoa, wow.

14:44 Dude. So then they get me into the operating room, and the doctors are like, hey, heard you been through some stuff? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, well, you're going to feel much better now. And so then, you know, I give a shout out to the anesthesiologist. The person that puts you under. Because I was told this a long time ago. I am, I have sleep apnea and I use a sleep apnea machine at night by, by machine. And I am telling you because I have difficulty waking up after I am put under. And I'm supposed to give you that warning before I am put under by anybody.

15:28 And she says, that's good. That's a good thing. And then. So she puts me under. He tells me, you know, told me I was going to feel good. I went under quick. Man, I went under. And listen, I woke up and I was in a private room overlooking Wrigley Field. Beautiful room. You know what I mean? Yeah. They gave me like the penthouse suite or something like that. You know, it was gorgeous. And the windows were giant. I'm serious. The windows were like 15 feet across. One window was gigantic. It was a gorgeous room. It was so bougie. It was so bougie. So bougie. Yes yes and i don't even have that great of assurance they must have you know i don't know what was going on anyways um yeah, so and the nurses were telling me on the way to the room you were so funny do you remember and i was like uh i was, i have no memory they're like oh honey you were so fun you were just so funny you're cracking us all up and i was like oh my god i I was putting him on his show.

16:31 And you didn't film me. And I did, yeah. And so, yeah. And then, yeah, so that was great. And it was funny because I was ready to leave. I thought, you know, I slept there morning time because the surgery was right away as soon as I got there. So the following, you have to stay overnight. And then the following morning, woke up, had breakfast, blah, blah, blah, watched TV, blah, blah. Lunchtime rolls around, still waiting, waiting. Can I go home? I'm feeling much better. I mean, I'm feeling great. They took out the problem. Now I'm feeling like, whoo, ready to, plus they gave me coffee, coffee for breakfast, coffee for, and I do not drink coffee. So I was like a crack at, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Woo hoo.

17:15 I'm ready. Fandango, let's go horse riding. I'm ready to go. So she tells me, the nurse tells me, okay, you are being discharged. And I'm like, thank the Lord. After how many hours? Yes. So she says, stay right here. I'm going to go get your discharge papers. So little old May kind of forgot the instructions. Kind of. Yeah. So I get up and I pull out the heart monitor and I pull off all the little tabs and i start hitting buttons on the heart monitor and the oxygen monitor and, uh and the bypass the ventilator machine they have yeah and and i'm just hitting the buttons and going oh that looks turn it off and it turns off and i go up to the other and i'm like, and i'm turning everything off hey i'm doing their job for them taking everything off setting it down. I go in the bathroom.

18:18 I get dressed because I want to go. Put my backpack on and I go to the counter out at the nurse's station and I'm just sitting there waiting. And the nurse is about to walk by and she freezes and she turns to look at me and she says, what are you doing? And I said, I'm ready to go. And she goes like, just like she's the principal at school, go back to your room right now. And I'm like, yes, ma'am. And I go back and I sit down and I hear in the hallway, talking to this guy, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, and don't let him leave.

18:59 And the guy walks up to my bedroom door at the hospital, stands in front of it, And just stands there like, where do you think you're going? Like I'm being guarded. It was hysterical. It was hysterical. And I hear her in the hallway. Don't you be trying to leave? I was like, yes, ma'am. So the guy is sitting there and he's watching me. He turns out to be gay as fruity, fruity, fruity gay. So sister, we start talking and I'm like, you know, the mask I was wearing. I hear that they throw those away. Is that true? And he says, yeah, they do. And I said, so I can take that with me then probably.

19:42 And he said, yeah, go for it. I don't care. And I was like, and that beautiful cup that I was using with the straw, you know, and these tissues and those wipes and this bag here. And I just started putting things in my backpack. And he was like, I'm okay, whatever, whatever. So she finally comes back with the paperwork and signs me out. And then they put me in a wheelchair and he is the one that's going to take me in the wheelchair because you have to go everywhere in a wheelchair after procedure. Yeah. So I'm going, I'm being wheeled past the nurse's station and my nurse is sitting there and I, she, she shouts out. So I hear you've been stealing stuff.

20:22 And I was like, yes, ma'am. And she goes, well, you paid for it. You may as well take it home with you. And so I just turned to her and I shout out as loud as I can. The mattress didn't fit into my backpack. And she says... She says, I'm going to miss you. Oh. And I said, I'll miss you too. She was badass. And then I came home. They sent you home. I was supposed to get you an Uber. I told her. I kind of fudged the truth. I told her. Because she said, do you have someone that can bring you home? And I said, no.

21:04 And she said, well, we can arrange that for you. And I said, okay. So they did. so they arranged my ride home and stuff like that. Oh, and then the guy that wheeled me out there, the gay guy, when we were waiting for the UR, he goes, listen, you're a bit too energetic for someone who just got done with surgery. And I'm like, what is that supposed to be? And he goes, listen, listen carefully. It was like, it was like a guru speaking to you. Like Yoda. Like Yoda. He says, you have to milk this for all you can. Milk this for all you can. When you get home, you tell them, all your friends, that for the next few days, you can't cook, you can't clean, you can't do laundry, that you're going to need them to do all of that for you. You hear me?

21:55 And I just put on this big old smile, and I was like, you're good. You are good. And he was like, I'm telling you, get what you can out of this. And I was like, thank you. So that's my big story for the day. That's what happened for the past 20 years. 48 hours I'm home and I'm feeling so much better yeah. Appendix they took a piece out of you they could have that thing I don't want it anymore alright so alright thanks for listening to us have fun check it out bye stay healthy love you. Uh, something inside me just said, go on in.

22:36 It's an unusual pain. I never felt it before in my, in my belly, dumb, you know, the lower quadrant. And, um, good thing I came in because my gallbladder was swollen. And so they put me into surgery immediately and removed it. So here I am waiting for the doctor, hopefully, so I can be released because I'm ready to go home.